Get off the slippery slope and get back on the wagon. Look we're flawed humans who screw up from time to time. So what, pull your head out of your ass immediately. Don't look for a reason to fail, because that's what most people do. It's easier to use this strategy because it's a way to let yourself off the hook.
That's bullshit thinking on every level.This is my training philosophy today as it's been for the last thirty six years. If you're willing to let yourself off the hook on a regular basis, you've already set yourself for failure, no mater what you're trying to achieve.
The main problem is your head. You keep getting in your own way impeding results, not aware that it's gut check time for you in a big way. You have no idea how you're setting yourself for a major setback. I'm not making this up. I assure you you're preaching to the choir with all of these weak ass excuses you manage to dream up to appease yourself.
If you don't stop this madness you're living with, meaning you, the pied piper will come calling, and you're not going to like it. You'll be so far in a hole, not even outside help with a rope will be enough to pull you out. Why can't human nature get that through their thick skulls and yet they don't.
My advice for you as your concerned trainer is to break the cycle in your head. It's that negative pre recorded tape that's been looping in your head for years. Just say stop, either out loud or to yourself, doesn't matter, just say it now!!
You're now on the right path because you've now switched from the useless pre recorded voice of destruct in your head, to listen mode. As your trainer I can help you, because potentially you're ready to accept my advice instead of your own.